I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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