What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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