Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
