1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
