i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
