3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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