how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize