I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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