Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
