I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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