You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
