i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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