is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
