my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
