Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
