Already got asked if we're dating
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
