I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
