Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
