Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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