I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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