Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
