I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i out mim tonsoeep
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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