you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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