I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
