Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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