Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
