Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
