I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
