Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
