i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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