He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
