dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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