So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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