I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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