hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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