yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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