They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
