Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
