At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
