I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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