$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
