If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
