We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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