im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Where did you get a picture of my penis
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
