im drinking this country out of the recession.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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