Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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