I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
