you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
