Got a toothbrush?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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