I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
