News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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